| OH BOY! |
[Aug. 26th, 2009|08:19 pm] |
via CNN |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 16th, 2009|03:42 pm] |
So people message me all the time asking for ideas for videos. Usually I tell them to screw off and write their own damn videos. Today I decided to give someone the first ideas that popped into my head:
Idea #1: A man has his genitals surgically replaced with the entire city of Chicago.
Idea #2: A woman is trying to break up with her boyfriend at the zoo but he's distracted by a gorilla trying to fit a banana in another gorilla's ear.
Idea #3: Rocket Jesus. I don't know what this skit is about but the title is dynamite.
Idea #4: A man goes to the dentist and scorpions keep coming out his mouth because he ate a scorpion nest full of scorpion eggs.
Idea #5: John Adams travels back in time to sell a vacuum cleaner to Alexander the Great.
Idea #6: A man spends his whole life trying to cross-breed a carrot with a blueberry. Finally he succeeds and it tastes awful.
I got a message back saying they'll be making them soon. I can't wait. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 6th, 2009|03:25 pm] |
I sold a Harry Potter shirt I haven't worn in years for $75! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2009|06:19 pm] |
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Yesterday a big bunch of Muslim high school girls walked by out of nowhere and they were all giggly and girly and as they walked by I had a disgruntled/annoyed face and I wonder if anyone thought I was being racist. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2009|09:56 pm] |
I just saw this commercial.
Does this bother anyone else? Now I'm not talking about the fact that one of this guy's eyes is a little off, because that would be mean. What the hell is he looking at? And were these really all the best takes? Was this the best guy they could find? And oh lord, the awkward cuts! Why was this on television?? Why am I watching television?!
UPDATE: I just watched this like three more times and have determined this man is probably blind, which would explain showing his dog which I had previously thought was just some humanizing detail. However, this commercial is still awkward even if this man is blind. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2009|11:25 am] |
So between Star Trek, Up, and me deciding not to see Terminator this has been a great kickoff to summer movies. Mostly for my own goldfish-like memory's sake here are the movies I'm really looking forward to for the rest of the summer (and a bit beyond):
June 19
DEAD SNOW
If you've seen the trailer then I don't need to explain why I'm looking forward to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-KQh87_V2Q
July 1
PUBLIC ENEMIES
Another trailer that speaks for itself. And I just love Marion Cotillard.
August 14
DISTRICT 9
I love the concept for this movie and I can't wait to see how the plot develops.
August 21
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
People are already starting to poo-poo this movie, but I have faith in Tarantino. It won't even come close to Pulp Fiction but I still think I'll enjoy it.
September 4
BLACK DYNAMITE
This will be awesome. So very awesome. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2N66XO3awk
EDIT:
June 12
MOON
How did I forget about Moon?! |
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| in these tough times... |
[May. 29th, 2009|01:12 pm] |
"We are a growing company looking for Male and Female Models to serve, be served on, pose and role pay for Erotic Food Catering. This is a growing area for the priviate party industry. Erotic Food buffets, Nude Parties, and High Class Dinner served by and on models.
All models must have a complete health certification with no STD, current Test verifications will be asked for when hired for a job. All shapes and types of models are needed so if your interested in this apply with pictures. no expereice necessary, however those who have expereince will be compenstated more.
Various positons include Serves both clothed, partialy nude and fully nude, Buffet Models where food will be served on or from you body and Greeters.
There is no sexual contact or interaction with the models! this is a safe professional opportunity. Send Resume and Pictures
Compensation: hourly rate $20/ HOUR TO $100 / HOUR"
How do you explain to people that this is your job? Also, how does one resist the urge to eat the food sitting on them? Also also, this might just be the most creative way to get lots of naked pictures of people for free I've ever seen. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2009|05:29 pm] |
Why am I only seeing this for the first time today?!
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 16th, 2009|11:09 am] |
I'm not entirely certain, but pending further research I think I'm the driving force behind every cultural movement recently.
Observe...
Me: Hey, (blank) is awesome!
1: If you say so, faggot.
(Some time passes)
2: Hey, (blank) is awesome!
Me: Yes... I know.
Oh, you may think I'm paranoid, but just you wait! I'm gonna make a list of all the stuff I think is awesome and then bury it and then in a few months I'll dig it up and everyone will be into that stuff. You'll see! |
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| Puzzling spam |
[Apr. 5th, 2009|02:35 pm] |
"Your own 8 feet tall tomato trees
Tomato Giant - Supersize your Tomatoes
Produce up to 180 lbs. of supersize tomatoes for less than a penny a piece.
These tomato trees zoom to an amazing 8 feet or taller in just 90 days with
tomatoes growing as big as grapefruits - up to 2 lbs each.
(insert link to website here)
Order today and we'll give you 3 of our big early hybrid tomatoes as our
gift to you - just pay shipping and handling.
Supersize your tomatoes today!"
As you probably know, tomatoes don't grow on trees. Second of all, TOMATOES?! The masses want penis enlargement, porn, viagra, debt consolidation, and pre-approved credit cards. Who decided to mass market tomatoes through spam? Is the economy so bad that we've resorted to growing our own crops? Third, I've grown tomatoes and TOMATOES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!
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| oh wouldn't it be nice |
[Mar. 19th, 2009|02:10 pm] |
Everyone toss a penny into a fountain and make a wish for me cuz I just applied for a position at Pixar.
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2009|01:52 am] |
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I'm writing a play and for research I had to look up natural predators for moose. Alongside wolves Siberian tigers were listed. Turns out there's moose in Russia. That blow anyone else's mind? I really thought Canada and ourselves had the exclusive right to moose. |
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